The Most Overblown Time of the Year

December 30, 1997

OK, so it's New Year's Eve one again. It happens every year, and every year people get all excited about a night that's supposed to be filled with a wonderland of possibilities: parties, special events, amazing all-inclusive dinner specials. Now, I don't know if maybe it's just me, but in my experience, New Year's Eve is the ultimate party bust. I've had much better times on a Wednesday in the middle of September than I do almost as a rule on every December 31st.

Let's start with the parties: usually parties consist of a group of people who are at least marginally familiar with each other. However, for some unknown reason, the New Year's party is different. You wind up at some soiree thrown by a friend of a friend where you might know like two people. On a normal night, this might not be so bad, but when that clock strikes twelve the pressure really comes down. Who have you just met that you've bonded with enough to actually risk throwing down the obligatory kiss?

Then there's the wonderful New Year's Eve restaurant special, which is more of a couples event. You and your significant other gather with some good friends and some of their good friends who you could go the rest of your life without seeing and never miss them. Something funny happens to food on this special night - it becomes more expensive than on other nights, and it gains a mass-produced quality that can only come from a planned menu. Tastes worse, costs more....Hmmm. Then, when the bill comes, you get saddled paying way more than your meal should cost because of the one couple that had to order all the extras and then got cold feet when the bill showed up. Happy fucking New Year!

Fast forward to around 1am. You've had your amazing New Year's Eve experience which seemed filled with promise only a few hours earlier but now resembles the deflated helium balloons drooping everywhere. The cheap champagne buzz is wearing off, leaving that special brand of headache. Now you get to take to the road. Think of this part of the evening as one of those new 64 bit video games. The goal is to make it home, and the obstacles are other drunks and the police (who can be manifested as either moving cars, speed traps, or actual sobriety checkpoints). If you negotiate all of these threats successfully, your reward is to be home where you started, only with a lot less money. Whoohooo! Now that's a celebration.

--Ross Severn

Ross Severn
I'm a teacher of history at a local all girls Catholic school. I travel any time I get the chance - I'm trying to explore as much of the world as I can. In the summers, I lead school trips as a way to help fund my exploration. I'm also fond of trying weird cultural foods from everywhere I go.