March 6, 1998

I needed gas, so I got off I-4 a couple of exits early and headed up the Orange Blossom Trail in search of a service station. In the distance, flashing patrol-car lights etched an eerie blue stroboscopic sunrise against the urban horizon, and shadows of people scurried like roaches down side-roads and around buildings as I passed. Occasionally, one of the shadows would turn itself into the caricature of a human female and step short-skirtted into the light to advertise its wares to the shadows of men in passing cars.

I walked into the 7-11, nearly blinded by the stale white fluorescent lights, stiff and sore from four hours of nonstop late-night driving. I heard a woman's voice, speaking loudly-"...what a bunch of shit!..." I looked around for the speaker, assuming that one of the dozens of scrawny, ghost-faced streetwalkers had wandered into the store for a chocolate bar to satisfy her sugar-craving and a brief respite from the pimps, johns, and cops cruising the Trail. It wasn't a hooker, though. It was an employee, yelling across the store to another behind the counter.

For some reason, the word "shit" shocked me, even here in a 7-11 on one of Florida's most notorious crack-and-cheap-sex strips. I'm no prude. I work at a community theatre that opened with David Mamet's American Buffalo, a play so sprinkled with profanity that one of the actors counted the number of times he said "fuck" onstage, and it was well into the hundreds. It didn't shock me. I've been known to turn the air blue in board meetings during especially passionate disagreements. I don't hesitate to write "bullshit" - or even "fuck" - if I need to make a point.

Why, then, do I feel so violated when I hear profanity on the street, in a store, in a restaurant, or in a classroom? I was a big fan of Lenny Bruce, who was repeatedly busted for saying "cocksucker" onstage, so why does Eddie Murphy's use of "motherfucker" leave me cold? Why does it infuriate me when I'm channel surfing for something decent to listen to on the radio and hear a DJ or talk-show host call someone an "asshole"? I taught high school for two years. The students, of course, always wanted me to show movies in class. I didn't blame them for that; when I was in high school, I looked forward to seeing movies in class, too. Also, I thought, there are lots of movies that could work into my lesson Plans - Amadeus for a Humanities section on Mozart, for instance, and the new Romeo and Juliet. Probably, the phrase I used more often in class than any other was "watch your language, please."

Once, while covering another teacher's class during my planning period, the students watched a movie the teacher had approved for them-The Rock, starring Sean Connery. The movie's dialogue consisted mainly of the word "fuck," delivered with various shades of machismo and cynicism. I thought about Sean Connery, who became famous portraying the ultimate macho cynic, James Bond. To my recollection, Bond never said "fuck"-or "shit" or "asshole" either, for that matter. He never told anyone to suck his dick or kiss his ass; never told any of the women he planned to bed that he was going to fuck her brains out; never called his enemies "motherfucker" before shooting them. In spite of that, he was still the embodiment of maleness - the consummate cocksman who could overcome any obstacle, face any danger, and endure any hardship - and no one doubted that Bond was cool.

It's like a jungle/sometimes/I think I wonder/how I keep from going under is iconoclastic. Suck my dick isn't; virtually every American male in 4th grade can - and probably does - say that. There's little distinction any longer between literature and vulgarity, and Americans moved the "gutter" to the ivory tower. There's little incentive to rise above the base; in fact, Americans are encouraged to seek the lowest common denominator - in order to be susceptible to the big sales pitch, whether from the appeal to anger and fear delivered from the campaign platform or the appeal to easy money, sex, and status screamed from the boob-tube or plastered on giant roadside billboards.

People will justify the use of profanity, saying "well, that's the way people talk." Yeah, it is; and that's unfortunate. It reflects a lack of care in our society, a lack of education, and, I suspect, a hopelessness about our ability to rise above the trite and mundane. I'm tired of it. I've bought a small weapon, and I carry it in my boot. The next time I see some asshole wearing a hat that reads "free mustache rides" or pass some shithead on the street saying "fuck" at least once every sentence, I think I'll blow the motherfucker's brains out.

First published in Impact Press.

--Morris Sullivan

Morris Sullivan Morris Sullivan has written "Notes from the Cultural Wastleland", a column of cultural criticism, for four years. It first appeared in Tabula Rasa, then Eleven, and now Impact, where he also writes regular feature stories. He has written and produced five plays. His "Weekender" columns run in the Thursday edition of "Go 4 It", the A&E section of the Daytona Beach News-Journal, and he's contributed to The Orlando Weekly and other area publications. Sullivan holds an MBA and serves as financial officer at Theatre Downtown. Other Articles I've Written