Cannibal! Needs More Bite, But It's Still Good Fun

June 15, 1998

Showings:
June 20 - Enzian Theater, Midnight

Cannibal! The Musical is the first feature from South Park creator, Trey Parker, and for midnight movie fair, it ain't bad. If I have to fault it, I would have to say that the first half takes itself too seriously and that the there is little actual "gore" for the masses. I mean, if you title a movie "Cannibal! The Musical", then you should deliver blood and cannibalism and lots of tasteless humor. Save for a wonderfully distasteful opening sequence, the movie doesn't live up to this promise. Like South Park, it has some truly inspired comedic moments, but it also drags at times. It needs much more of an edge to even come close.

But then, this is cheese, and fans of cheesy B-movies should flock to it, learn its songs, shout out its lines. In the right surroundings, this movie could become a classic. I saw it in a room with a bunch of drunken friends. That supplied enough "environment" for me to enjoy it. In such a state, who cannot enjoy the film's cheery songs about building snowmen and mounting horses, its Japanese "Indians," its fur trappers arguing about musical scales, its pickaxes to the chest and cleavers to the head. Need I say more?

Cannibal! The Musical is the story of Alfred Packer, a gold-miner from the late 1800's who leads a small expedition from Utah to the Colorado Territory. On the way, Alfred gets his horse (his one true love) stolen, confronts evil trappers, finds safety on an "Indian" reservation, gets caught up in a storm, and then little by little, watches his crew murder each other because they become too annoyed with one another. Then, when they run out of food, they resort to cannibalism, a la the Donner Party.

All of this is told via flashback. Packer (played by Trey Parker, who holds a striking resemblance to Last of the Mohicans-period Daniel Day-Lewis) has been arrested for cannibalism and tells "what really happened" to a reporter from his jail cell on the night before his execution. While the story unfolds, the characters break into songs and lots of slapstick.

The comedy has some great moments. Some of it's predictable, but most of it, when it happens (as I said, the first half takes itself a little too seriously for its own good), is amusing. My favorite: The Japanese people posing as "Indians". What makes them Indians? The fact that they have teepees.

The songs are pretty fun, too, better than I expected them to be. They aren't in the same caliber as Benny Hill or Mel Brooks, but they're amusing nonetheless. Many recall the musicals mid-1950's. "It's a Shpadoinkle Day," for example, feels like a b-side to Oklahoma! The same can be said of "Let's Build A Snowman," the song that got me laughing the hardest in the movie.

Other songs float heavily on the melodrama, but they generate the same comedic effect. "When I Was Atop of You" could double as Michael Bolton's next hit.

But in spite of the hysterical parts, there are equal amounts of drag-time. For all of its title's promise, and the promise of its creator, I expected something with riskier jokes and a more cut-throat gag-pacing, something on the lines of Life of Brian or Airplane!

Instead, this is more like Airplane 2: A bit of a disappointment with some good moves. It definitely could have been funnier. But, then, as I said, in the right surroundings, it could be one hell of a fun time as well.

Eyal Goldshmid
I am a fiction writer supporting myself as a government clerk for the US army. Until I can fully live off writing, I plan to milk all the luxury I can from the American taxpayer.